Taylor Swift is an ass! However, perhaps the most overrated artist in recent history, is not the only celebrity who flaunts her wealth, by spending six billion dollars on her garter belt.
Let’s do a deeper dive into the insane wastefulness that is the imbecilic star wedding.
But first let us not forget the pearls of wisdom Taylor and her ignoramus groom have imparted to us. Afterall, her choice of partners was clearly based on the genius, who is Travis. His observations and command of the English language are legendary.
Here are some of his famously infamous tweets:
“As a man, You have something wrong with you if your going for girls that weigh more then you!!”
“I just gave a squirle a peice of bread and it straight smashed all of it!!!! I had no idea they ate bread like that!! Haha.”
“Why can’t girls hide they backfat. I feel like if u wanna be a cheerleader you have to pass a beauty test…. there’s too many ugly cheerleaders out here smh.”
For the record, our spellcheck is not broken; the man is just a moron.
But, before we look at some additional famous weddings, maybe Travis and Taylor are perfect for one another. After re-reading some of Kelce’s barely literate texts, I ventured down the rabbit hole and absorbed some of Taylor’s mind-numbing lyrics:
“You smoked, then ate seven bars of chocolate
We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist
I scratch your head, you fall asleep
Like a tattooed golden retriever
But you awaken with dread
Pounding nails in your head
But I’ve read this one where you come undone
I chose this cyclone with you.”
&
“Did you have to do this?
I was thinking that you could be trusted
Did you have to ruin what was shiny?
Now it’s all rusted.”
& (how could we leave this masterful stanza out when praising this wordsmith) –
“Forgive me, it sounds cocky
He ah-matized me and opened my eyes
Redwood tree, it ain’t hard to see
His love was the key that opened my thighs.”
Ahhh, please raise a glass to T&T, and remember, it is only a matter of months before these nuptials dissolve faster than rubber in a vat of fluoroantimonic acid.
Now, here is a list of other luminaries who tied the knot, (on a less than fixed budget) –
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise:
The $2 million price tag – including $900,000 for guest airfare to the 15th century Odescalchi Castle outside of Rome and $180,000 for 300 bottles of wine – may not be a staggering number by celeb-nuptial standards, but the guest list, (which included John Travolta, Steven Spielberg, and Victoria Beckham), had a particularly unusual addition: Scientology leader David Miscavige, who served as Cruise’s best man during the 20-minute “Double Ring” Scientology ceremony, which was reportedly capped off by a three-minute kiss. Afterward, Andrea Bocelli serenaded the couple and the guests enjoyed a 15-minute firework display.
Elizabeth Taylor and Larry Fortensky:
Any wedding at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch certainly qualifies as over-the-top, (not to mention the $1.5 million dollar price tag), but the wild and weird does not stop there. Fortensky, Taylor’s seventh husband, was a twice-divorced construction worker whom she met while they were both battling drug dependencies at the Betty Ford Center, (they toasted mineral water at the reception). And as a 100-man security force stood guard, the 160 guests including Nancy Reagan, Liza Minnelli, George Hamilton, and Macaulay Culkin, had run of the amusement park.
Prince Charles and Princess Diana:
The estimated cost was nearly $46.8 million in July 1981, the equivalent of about $139.52 million today.
With 3,500 guests, the wedding took place at St. Paul’s Cathedral. Billed as the wedding of the century, 750 million people watched the event on TV with 600,000 more lining the streets to try and catch a glimpse of the couple. From Diana’s dress complete with a 25-foot train, to the 30 cakes and abundant amount of security, it was the most expensive wedding of all time.
Although these astronomical price tags, racked up by those seeking holy matrimony, do seem rather overindulgent, who are we to judge how money was spent in creating the most lavish ways to love, honor, and cherish a significant other.
You may now kiss your checkbook.
Did You Know? In 1945, Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart were married in a simple three-minute ceremony in the hallway of a farmhouse near Mansfield, Ohio. The rustic ceremony was so laid-back that Bogart was drinking a martini during the vow exchange.
Wedding footage taken by Paramount pictures show 20-year-old Bacall dressed in an understated skirt-suit and appearing remarkably relaxed — even unceremoniously tossing her bouquet into a small crowd while standing on a staircase.