“It is more important that innocence be protected than it is that guilt be punished…” ~ John Adams
And now for Part Deux, of laws in the land of the free and the home of the brave …
Maine
If you are driving through the state of Maine after January 14th and you see houses with Christmas decorations, alert an official at once. Residents are charged a fine for leaving their Christmas decorations up past this date.
Maryland
Watch your mouth while you are in Maryland – Baltimore prohibits swearing inside city limits, while in Rockville, cursing is only banned on the highway. Also, it is reportedly illegal to take a lion to the movies in Baltimore. Leash or no leash.
Massachusetts
Under no circumstances may you drive with a gorilla in the backseat of your car in this state. If you find yourself in this situation, please return that primate to the zoo or nearest jungle.
Michigan
You might think traveling by train is a great way to enjoy a few drinks and avoid driving. Well, not if you are in Michigan – if you are not sober on a train, you are breaking the law.
Minnesota
Be careful in Minneapolis if you drive a red car. It is illegal to drive a red car down Lake Street in this town.
Mississippi
The town of Tylertown, Mississippi inconveniences its residents by forbidding them to shave in the center of Main Street. If you find yourself in this town, we suggest finding another street to do your shaving in.
Missouri
You can drink beer almost anywhere you want in Missouri – even as a passenger in a moving vehicle! But do not even think about drinking beer out of a bucket while sitting on a curb in St. Louis – it is strictly verboten.
Montana
Leaving your sheep unattended in your truck is considered very baaaa-d to the officials of Montana. If for any reason you need to leave your sheep in your truck, you better hire a sheep-sitter.
Nebraska
In the Midwestern state of Nebraska, it is absolutely illegal to fish for whales. We are not quite sure where there is an abundance of whales in land-locked Nebraska, but it is best you do not even try to look for them.
Nevada
While visiting Nevada, please do not ride your camel on the highway, even if you feel like the surrounding desert makes it okay – it is forbidden.
New Hampshire
Be impassive if making a pit stop in New Hampshire – it is illegal to tap, nod, or move to the rhythm of music in any way inside a tavern, restaurant, or café.
New Jersey
When overtaking another passerby on the street – including a skateboarder – drivers are required by law to honk before doing so. However, it is against the law to pass a horse-drawn buggy at all. If you get caught by a police officer, make sure you do not frown at him because that is illegal, too.
New Mexico
In Las Cruces, New Mexico, you are considered a criminal if you carry your lunch box while walking down Main Street. Better find a different route.
New York
Hate awkward elevator chit-chat? Head to New York where residents are required by law to keep to themselves while riding an elevator. Your hands must be crossed and your gaze toward the floor. Do not talk to anyone, even if they talk to you – they are breaking the law, but you do not have to.
North Carolina
Singing in the car is a great way to pass the time on a road trip, but if you are driving through North Carolina, you better not let a cop catch you singing off key! Singing off tune is grounds for punishment in this state. Elephants also cannot be used to plow cotton fields here, which is oddly specific but technically on the books.
North Dakota
If you find yourself wanting to take a nap in North Dakota, be sure to take your shoes off beforehand. Falling asleep with your shoes on is outlawed.
Ohio
Ladies, hide those patent leather shoes whenever you find yourself in Ohio – women are prohibited from wearing them in this state.
Oklahoma
Comic book fans, we have some bad news for you. In the state of Oklahoma, it is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle. Please find something else to read while driving. And in Tulsa, it is considered illegal to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
Oregon
If you ever find yourself in the town of Marion, beware of the law that prohibits you from eating a donut while walking backwards on any city street. Officials would prefer you finish your donut in its entirety before proceeding to walk backwards down the street. Oregon also has a long-standing rule that canned corn cannot be used as bait for fishing.
Pennsylvania
While driving down a country road at night, motorists in Pennsylvania are required to stop every mile and shoot a rocket signal, wait ten minutes for the road to clear of livestock, then continue. Looks like that 10-minute commute will take you much, much longer.
Rhode Island
If one of your favorite pastimes includes throwing pickle juice on trolleys, you will have to find another state to exercise your hobby. It is against the law to do so in Rhode Island.
South Carolina
Anyone who gets a tattoo in the state of South Carolina is technically breaking the law.
South Dakota
While visiting South Dakota and you find yourself in a cheese factory, do not lie down and fall asleep. Find another place to take a nap, because doing so in a cheese factory is outlawed.
Tennessee
It is illegal to carry a skunk into the state of Tennessee. If you plan on bringing your pet skunk anytime soon, it will have to roam freely over state borders.
Texas
While everything may be bigger in Texas, the number of beer swigs you take at one time cannot be bigger than three. Unless, of course, you are sitting down.
Utah
Over in Provo, Utah, snowball fights can get pretty pricey. This town has a $50 snowball-throwing fine in place.
Vermont
Saturday nights in Barre, Vermont are for bathing. Residents are required by law to bathe every Saturday, so make sure you abide by Barre’s laws if you plan to visit.
Virginia
All of the ticklish women should head to the state of Virginia. Here, it is considered against the law to tickle women. However, ticklish men are free game.
Washington
The state of Washington is adamant about protecting their friends, Big Foot and Sasquatch. Anyone who even attempts to harass these two, or any unsubstantiated creatures for that matter, will be penalized with a fine or imprisonment.
West Virginia
If whistling underwater is your secret talent, avoid West Virginia – whistling underwater is banned here. In Nicholas County, no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or funny stories during a church service.
Wisconsin
There are plenty of activities to keep you busy in Wisconsin, but waving a burning torch in the air cannot be one of them. This action is considered a Class A Misdemeanor in the Badger state, punishable by a one-year maximum jail term.
Wyoming
In the state of Wyoming, rabbits love their privacy. So much, in fact, that it is against the law to take their picture during the months of January to April, unless you obtain an official permit.
Did You Know? In Boston, it is against the law to eat peanuts while in church.